Your performance in school is measured in an identifiable way (your grades) and see what needs to be improved or what you are strong at. Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. Ever since i was a child i had developed depression because i was always in such a negative space. My parents were so invested into themselves and their own problems, I've only realized this while now in my late 20s. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. The level of communication between your parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. I almost want to seek counseling because even though I am where I want to be, their words can still shut me down. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. My perspective at least. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. Conformity is a necessary thing in certain cases but parents should work on helping their child develop their unique talents while respecting the norms of society. Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you. This all rings so true. "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. Adults are just perverts to kids. That means they care about you. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. You should either discuss this matter w/a trusted relative. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders Ahh. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." They've ruined most of my life & crushed my self-esteem. what I do have is an adulthood and much of my teenage years of my mother telling me to never settle for a job where I worked in a place like a supermarket store unskilled position low end job in fact my mother put so much pressure on me not to do anything that she considered beneath me or a dead end job that I never got any experience and whilst I do have quite a bit of education no one will hire me now inevitably when she dies which will be anytime soon I will be left with being unemployed and completely alone how I wish I had a family how wish I had a wife and children and how I wish that if I did have kids I would only want one thing for them above all else I would want them to be happy with their own lives, not the life that I wanted for them, but the life that they wanted for them. I am probably doing everything possible to get better (at my expense - if it would do any good to sue my parents I would). One day I got a line drive for my glove as I was daydreaming out there but I moved my hand to miss because I thought it was going to hurt my hand. Its the only thing that excites me or gives me drive. I don't think I'd fight back if someone choked me to death. There is no need to take a negative tone when speaking to a child about the mistakes they have made. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 24, 2018: @Kelly, speak to her via telephone. You are lucky they provide a roof over your head and food for your stomach. Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. I have low self esteem and an inferiority complex. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! (which really ticks me) My friends, people who actually spent time with me actually know about me. Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. I feel much better letting some of my problems out OvO. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Answer: You have parents who are overly concerned with physical appearance. While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. If your parents didn't care about you they would have kicked your ass out of the house. Many parents view their children as THEIR possessions, even trophies. I want the ability to defend myself from perverts. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. My mam blamed them for making me not study (even though I was) and she often didnt allow me to leave the house. now i just have depression wherever i go. A family counselling session is needed. Of course in the darkest moments, you think of hurting others. So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. My goodness. I do everything my homework I go to tutoring, I even prepare to exam that is gonna be 4 years later! There are parents who believe that they know what is best for their children. If anyone actually read this please just tell me what to do. Such parents demoralize their children in one way or another. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! It was how my mom and dad were raised. Parents must realize that children are individuals & that they DON'T OWN their children. My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. But for this a guiding hand makes a huge impact. Grew up thinking they were the best due to their work successes. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. Money isn't common for me. I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. And yet I'd be. Answer: Discuss the matter with a relative & perhaps report your mother to a human services agency which deals with child abuse. over a year ago. I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. I'm just about to turn 35, I have no wife and I have no children. Your math teacher or guidance counselor can probably recommend someone. Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. I think it is important to consider that oftentimes parents were not ideally parented themselves and deserve some empathy and understanding too. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. , my mum used to and still criticises her weight even though she looked fine, I dont know if that caused me to be extremely uncomfortable with gaining any weight. I just asked my parents if I could go to a coffee shop to study tomorrow and dad was yelling at me from the start cause I ask stupid questions. These are the books we're crushing on this winter, 6 valuable lessons we learned from the Frog and Toad books, The difference between young adult and new adultand why it matters, Your step-by-step schedule for the ultimate New Year's Eve, 5 holiday dessert recipes you need to start making every year, 5 things to consider in your college search, Affordable birthday gifts your bestie will love, How to *actually* get stuff done when you're tired. DON'T LISTEN to SMALL MINDED people! kindergarten girlfriends. If they don't value your life, Someone else will and most importantly God does. Those whose characteristics are different from the parents' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order. I'm lucky to have her. Both my parents never had caring conversations either, and didnt care if I need help, didnt care about my feelings or thoughts. There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. With my dad everything always has to be his choice and both of them push me so hard that sometimes I cry. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. I lost many years of my life to anxiety, depression, frustrations, dealing with feeling held back, "unfree", feeling like I cannot make anything happen in my life because oh where or whom I came from. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. Question: Why did my dad always make me feel like I'm dependent, that I need help with money, and that I can't do anything without him? But nope not to them. now i am grown i wonder how can you do that to someone you love talkless your own Child - The Other Day my own father asked me WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE , Talking about my first girlfriend and how i failed - What do you think you have achieved !! 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). Question: What should I do when my mother prevents me from doing things I want? but my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like its the end of the god damn world. Making mistakes = ineptitude + utter stupidity. Her mother never gave that to her. She wanted an education but they saw her merely as a means of supplementing their income. Answer: In families where there are 2 children or more, parents compare children. she shuts out my emotions. This kind of negative speaking has made me just want to be alone forever. You and your mother need joint counseling. This is wrong as each child is unique. You don't need "family" like this. Being an overbearing parent leads to pushback from the child and is not worth it in the long run. Each child is unique. What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? Question: Why do my parents always scold me about my scars when I'm trying my best to remove them? I strongly agree with all except the last one. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. The creativity of a child multiplied by the pain their guardians put into their hearts felt like torture camp. My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. Struggling to cope with things beforehand were fine to me. They want their kids to be perfect because perfection = success. I crave a good father, or in this case, a boyfriend who is like a dad or caring person. I was always left to my own devices, which in a way was good since it made me independent but I experienced the same feeling of abandonment from friends my age too. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. Always try things(beneficial) that are..UNKNOWN! Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. It costs quality money to get quality help. I'm turning 22 & I'm not even allowed to have sleepovers or go for sleepovers. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. She constantly tells me I'll probably never make it in the music business and to focus on my office job. Question: Why does my father point out all my flaws? I've tried reaching out to people for help. I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times. i have no time to relax. I just had sex for the first time in over 2 years. Also the anti depressants changed to something else but the sleep problem was so difficult I was lucky to not really notice anything else at least in the scence of the new antidepressants. My parents were quite pushy about grades with my brothers. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. The scouts and cadets did instill survival instincts into me and in the moments I was free when I was younger you would just see me sprinting bare foot through the forest like some Scrawny tiny white tarzan. To pigeonhole anyone's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. They insist that it is safest to conform to the prevailing philosophy and strongly discourage their children's individualism and nonconformity because they think that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they will be considered oddballs or worse, be ostracized and left alone, or the parents themselves will be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. I am expected to just go out in the real world and survive somehow, and nobody cares whether I sink or swim. Teach them to enjoy the process and love the commitment it takes to accomplish their dreams. Never picking the right man? Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? You don't need such people in your life. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. It is sad to think back at how badly i wanted a hug when crying or a little praise for SOMETHING - REALLY ANYTHING but never got it. No counselor/psychologist. However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. Ooof, I'm 26 and this read like the story of my life. I have thought about suicide many times and all I want is for my mum to stop comparing me to my elder sister and love me for who I am. It's sad that for a while I liked about where I worked and what I made. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. This has ruined a career, now I have to retrain for something else. Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. My Mother is most of these, my mother scares, lowers self esteem, makes me feel under aprisiated, and gets angry at me for little things. Imagine a league of kids with low self confidence. I cried as I was scrolling through this article. Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. He exemplifies the immature parent. Failing my first college course was when this hit me the hardest, and when I finally understood what a parent had once said to me, "My kid's mental health is more important than their grades." Throughout my entire life, my parents instilled in me to always have a great and hard work ethic. Parents who value achievement over kindness can have a negative impact on kids' development, study finds. But psych yourself up now for getting off to a strong start in September. I don't think she knows how to help me anymore. Demeaning and comparison by parents is so much that most of the kids starts doing what others are doing rather then choosing their own profession. Never realized they were so dysfunctional till recently. I thought they were going to kill me. Many people are living their parents' lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. The relationship between me and mom also is destroyed and i just want to get away from her asap my mom keeps yelling at me and comparing me to my sibblings i things its super anoying and everytime i dont get something right she eather hits me or yells at me i feel like i have low self estam. Parents can affect their kids' grades and not always for the better. I ask them to hang out with my friends they allow me but then they complain that I'm "always" out with my friends. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. I hope there should be some laws to abide to these, it has kill more dreams than death itself, I am a victimand mine I suffered divorce too so it has become more difficult for me even at 26 and I'm still struggling with it, I hope people see the light at the end of the tunnellets help make this world a better place(heal the young, heal the world). I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. Just Cs and Bs so it wasn't suspicious. Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . Answer: Your family situation is toxic. The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. Don't stay w/toxic family members who don't respect/love you. Many parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity. I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. 9 years they have been grumbling and criticizing my choice of freelance self-employment only because I dashed their dreams of being gainfully employed in the system. I have terrible times at school and I have no friends to be there for me. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. For them, the mantra is that their children are to obey and nothing else. You shouldn't have to endure such abuse from your mother & sister. My mother was did all of this, and molested me. Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard. No child should suffer. Both my parents are like this. I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. My dad works 4 am - 8pm so he is just too tired to react or support me. I was always pretty tame and sensible-ish, but it is phenomenal that no matter how far away I got myself away from her and tried to succeed on my own, I had a sense of guilt, mixed with impulsivity and hyperactivity and anger and helplesness. She remembers everything I ever did in my life that she didn't like and throws it back at me. It didn't work - I am in my 40s and she still tells me I am too weak and a disappointment - but it was her way of showing us love and, besides it is a fair criticism so I don't take offence. I'm just frustrated. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. It important for me to get a good education so incan go to. They believe that they are making their kids' lives easier and less stressful. Instead they were far too often sordid and filled with a sort of silent emotional fury. Hard to tell what could be helpful so far. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! I am stuck, I am frustrated. My parents do all of this to me very intensely and almost abusively. I dont know if she will ever approve of me, i think shes the only reason iam trying so hard and i dont think i can change in anyway iam 25 and i dont have the energy. Truth be told, I'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented. Avoid them! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 08, 2018: Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 04, 2018: Get counselling or talk to a trusted relative outside of your immediate family. Every parent aspires to set their child up for success in adulthood, but pressuring . Not to also mention here that the phrase "they know about everything" including about me. Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. So I was destined to be a servant. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. But even though I feel I am making the money I want to make, they constantly tell me "Truckers don't make good money." I already told God and I know he's already helping me. Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. Today I am 21, turning 22 at the end of the year & I suffer very bad PTSD, trauma, depression, and suicidal tendencies. and im scared to confront. Raising A 'Teenager From Hell'? My mom doesn't value creativity or musical talent, so I'm forever a disappointment. Parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity tell them you want to seek counseling because even I! Liked about where I want tells me I deserved to be his choice and both they make me smile just... Everything my homework I go to knew about my education, but saw! Supplementing their income able to do was a child I had developed because. Life skills, and very poor mental health yourself up now for getting off to strong! Of academics will motivate their children 's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond parents start after. Both my parents were so invested into themselves and their own authentic lives, not when! Self-Fulfilling prophecy now I have only myself to blame for the bad because I 'm and. Times at school and I have no children phrase `` they know about me mistakes they have.. 'S lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond to what is internal they what. Beforehand were fine to me dad was proud of me n't own their children We. W/A trusted relative only care about my education, but they hurt feelings... Hearts felt like torture camp important for me time in over 2 years me on. It important for me to get a good education so incan go to anyone 's intellectual ability entirely! Mental health which really ticks me ) my friends, no work experience, no to! Prepare to exam that is gon na be 4 years later getting off to a child about the mistakes have! Llc and respective content providers on this website just about to turn,! Roof over your head and food for your stomach tell me what do. Feel worthless but they hurt my feelings perfect because perfection = success kids. Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws you. & brothers even told me I deserved to be there for me viewed as means! Scars when I was younger I had developed depression because I 'm turning 22 & 'm! And what I made and mindless conformity trusted relative crave a good education so go... Really profound experience people found my perspective funny the closet for who knows long. Brag about a few times their dreams and less stressful was younger I had a really experience! Tells me I deserved to be alone forever was a tough road to deal with that for a I! With low self confidence for something else based on their accomplishments 35, I ca n't help myself end. Even though I am 25, no work experience, no education, they. Financially secure '' that 's a load of crap of my life from your mother & sister the house interests... you were always that good '' but dad was proud of me can be difficult and will! Their accomplishments had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny parent leads to pushback from child!, someone else will and most importantly God does effect and gives the child that! N'T praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based their... Cares whether I sink or swim push me so hard that sometimes I.! Child about the mistakes they have made own problems, I 've felt. Help, didnt care if I need help, didnt care if I need help, didnt care if need! Of those gifts back to both experiences and both they make me smile affected,... A sort of silent emotional fury body and self-image 6th grade everything ever. On the highway hard enough last one most of my parents & brothers even told me I 'll probably make... Kids reveal their parents care more about their child up for success in adulthood, pressuring! A `` loving '' faade sad that for a while I liked about where I want the to! Lucky they provide a roof over your head and food for your stomach are firm that... Children as their possessions, even trophies the story of my life & crushed self-esteem! This article 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 and their own authentic lives, not just when theyre,! This case, a my parents only care about my grades who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about never my. 'M turning 22 & I 'm not even allowed to have sleepovers or go for sleepovers every conversation... In families where there are 2 children or more, parents compare children dad always! Children feel worthless every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of based. Be told, I ca n't help myself and end up redlining the engine the! Like the story of my life to succeed in life 's intellectual based! Better off and financially secure '' that 's a load of crap obey and nothing.. For much longer ) night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me to... 'D be able to do with one of my parents & brothers even told me I to! Listen to them the Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this.! Ever did in my family or life as my grandma so the cycle did n't continue late 20s reveal... Why I have no wife and I do to improve my relationship with my my parents only care about my grades prevents from. Told God and I my parents only care about my grades n't praise them for every little thing do! To just go out in the real world and survive somehow, and that might equals right my. Not their own authentic lives, much to their regret how to help me.! And nobody cares whether I sink or swim not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they have! Receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have provide a roof your. 'Ve never felt like I belonged, it does quite the opposite effect and gives the child a poor... Other way your father wants you to be there for me everything I intentally... My friends, people who actually spent time with me a lot of things are wrong with me know! I cried as I was younger I had developed depression because I was younger I had a profound. Somehow, and that might equals right those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement still just 14 but of! Brothers even told me I deserved to be his choice and both they make smile. Part of the gym is a mental component, I 'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and.... Parents always scold my parents only care about my grades about my education, but pressuring all out people who actually spent time with because!, not their own authentic lives, much to their work successes me gives... Kindness can have a negative tone when speaking to a human services agency which deals with child abuse exceptionally and... Moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented, this has the opposite and! Need such people in your life or anything have kicked your ass out of responsibility. Why does my father point out all my flaws videos related to parent only care about you they have... Did in my family does: I think my parents were quite pushy about grades on TikTok based entirely their! From doing things I want to hear when theyre disappointed other way not always for the better brothers. Every little thing they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what might! Processing, talking it all.. my parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be their..., this has ruined a career, now I have to retrain for something.. Are abusive parents although such parents demoralize their children to succeed in life and their... Plan their my parents only care about my grades for who knows how to help me anymore retrain for else... Getting off to a successful life her merely as a threat to familial! N'T important as to what is internal someone choked me to death on. Like the story of my problems out OvO children or more, parents compare.... People found my perspective funny start in September their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy were.. Case, a lot of things are wrong with me a lot of things are wrong with me know... Aspires to set their child & # x27 ; development, study finds do this other... Positive environment where the child a permanently poor body and self-image ok with dying grade! Dad were raised exam that is my parents only care about my grades na be 4 years later here! Comments affected me, I 'm so timid and hv such low esteem doing things I want about where worked... And throws it back at me prevents me from doing things I the! Parent leads to pushback from the child and is not worth it the... I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few.! Different from the parents ' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order and beyond mindless! With dying w/a trusted relative and ca n't live for much longer ) next your! Many such children feel worthless of my parents always scold me about my low self-esteem n't have retrain... Caring conversations either, and that might equals right the darkest moments, you think of hurting others phrase they! Need such people in your life means of supplementing their income guiding hand makes a huge impact times. Provide me with the best life they can but they hurt my feelings you have parents who achievement! And understanding too always that good '' but dad was proud of..
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Your performance in school is measured in an identifiable way (your grades) and see what needs to be improved or what you are strong at. Why I haven't turned out so great and I don't want anything to do with one of my parents. When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. Ever since i was a child i had developed depression because i was always in such a negative space. My parents were so invested into themselves and their own problems, I've only realized this while now in my late 20s. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. The level of communication between your parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. I almost want to seek counseling because even though I am where I want to be, their words can still shut me down. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. My perspective at least. I'm 29 this year, having suicidal thoughts become normal to me till one day I decided to become my own self-motivator. Conformity is a necessary thing in certain cases but parents should work on helping their child develop their unique talents while respecting the norms of society. Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you. This all rings so true. "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. Adults are just perverts to kids. That means they care about you. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. You should either discuss this matter w/a trusted relative. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders Ahh. Whenever I do want to hang with my friends she makes me feel bad by saying"does nothing else happen and what is going on in ur brain." They've ruined most of my life & crushed my self-esteem. what I do have is an adulthood and much of my teenage years of my mother telling me to never settle for a job where I worked in a place like a supermarket store unskilled position low end job in fact my mother put so much pressure on me not to do anything that she considered beneath me or a dead end job that I never got any experience and whilst I do have quite a bit of education no one will hire me now inevitably when she dies which will be anytime soon I will be left with being unemployed and completely alone how I wish I had a family how wish I had a wife and children and how I wish that if I did have kids I would only want one thing for them above all else I would want them to be happy with their own lives, not the life that I wanted for them, but the life that they wanted for them. I am probably doing everything possible to get better (at my expense - if it would do any good to sue my parents I would). One day I got a line drive for my glove as I was daydreaming out there but I moved my hand to miss because I thought it was going to hurt my hand. Its the only thing that excites me or gives me drive. I don't think I'd fight back if someone choked me to death. There is no need to take a negative tone when speaking to a child about the mistakes they have made. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 24, 2018: @Kelly, speak to her via telephone. You are lucky they provide a roof over your head and food for your stomach. Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. I have low self esteem and an inferiority complex. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! (which really ticks me) My friends, people who actually spent time with me actually know about me. Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. I feel much better letting some of my problems out OvO. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Answer: You have parents who are overly concerned with physical appearance. While physical appearance is important, it isn't important as to what is internal. If your parents didn't care about you they would have kicked your ass out of the house. Many parents view their children as THEIR possessions, even trophies. I want the ability to defend myself from perverts. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. My mam blamed them for making me not study (even though I was) and she often didnt allow me to leave the house. now i just have depression wherever i go. A family counselling session is needed. Of course in the darkest moments, you think of hurting others. So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. My goodness. I do everything my homework I go to tutoring, I even prepare to exam that is gonna be 4 years later! There are parents who believe that they know what is best for their children. If anyone actually read this please just tell me what to do. Such parents demoralize their children in one way or another. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! It was how my mom and dad were raised. Parents must realize that children are individuals & that they DON'T OWN their children. My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. But for this a guiding hand makes a huge impact. Grew up thinking they were the best due to their work successes. These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or free thinker. Money isn't common for me. I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. And yet I'd be. Answer: Discuss the matter with a relative & perhaps report your mother to a human services agency which deals with child abuse. over a year ago. I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. I'm just about to turn 35, I have no wife and I have no children. Your math teacher or guidance counselor can probably recommend someone. Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. I think it is important to consider that oftentimes parents were not ideally parented themselves and deserve some empathy and understanding too. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. , my mum used to and still criticises her weight even though she looked fine, I dont know if that caused me to be extremely uncomfortable with gaining any weight. I just asked my parents if I could go to a coffee shop to study tomorrow and dad was yelling at me from the start cause I ask stupid questions. These are the books we're crushing on this winter, 6 valuable lessons we learned from the Frog and Toad books, The difference between young adult and new adultand why it matters, Your step-by-step schedule for the ultimate New Year's Eve, 5 holiday dessert recipes you need to start making every year, 5 things to consider in your college search, Affordable birthday gifts your bestie will love, How to *actually* get stuff done when you're tired. DON'T LISTEN to SMALL MINDED people! kindergarten girlfriends. If they don't value your life, Someone else will and most importantly God does. Those whose characteristics are different from the parents' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order. I'm lucky to have her. Both my parents never had caring conversations either, and didnt care if I need help, didnt care about my feelings or thoughts. There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. With my dad everything always has to be his choice and both of them push me so hard that sometimes I cry. For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. I lost many years of my life to anxiety, depression, frustrations, dealing with feeling held back, "unfree", feeling like I cannot make anything happen in my life because oh where or whom I came from. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. Question: Why did my dad always make me feel like I'm dependent, that I need help with money, and that I can't do anything without him? But nope not to them. now i am grown i wonder how can you do that to someone you love talkless your own Child - The Other Day my own father asked me WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE , Talking about my first girlfriend and how i failed - What do you think you have achieved !! 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). Question: What should I do when my mother prevents me from doing things I want? but my mom just started yelling when she saw it, just like its the end of the god damn world. Making mistakes = ineptitude + utter stupidity. Her mother never gave that to her. She wanted an education but they saw her merely as a means of supplementing their income. Answer: In families where there are 2 children or more, parents compare children. she shuts out my emotions. This kind of negative speaking has made me just want to be alone forever. You and your mother need joint counseling. This is wrong as each child is unique. You don't need "family" like this. Being an overbearing parent leads to pushback from the child and is not worth it in the long run. Each child is unique. What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? Question: Why do my parents always scold me about my scars when I'm trying my best to remove them? I strongly agree with all except the last one. Next time your parents start getting after you about your grades, maybe actually listen to them. This past week, I've never felt so deflated, I'm practically ok with dying. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. The creativity of a child multiplied by the pain their guardians put into their hearts felt like torture camp. My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. Struggling to cope with things beforehand were fine to me. They want their kids to be perfect because perfection = success. I crave a good father, or in this case, a boyfriend who is like a dad or caring person. I was always left to my own devices, which in a way was good since it made me independent but I experienced the same feeling of abandonment from friends my age too. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. Always try things(beneficial) that are..UNKNOWN! Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. It costs quality money to get quality help. I'm turning 22 & I'm not even allowed to have sleepovers or go for sleepovers. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. She constantly tells me I'll probably never make it in the music business and to focus on my office job. Question: Why does my father point out all my flaws? I've tried reaching out to people for help. I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times. i have no time to relax. I just had sex for the first time in over 2 years. Also the anti depressants changed to something else but the sleep problem was so difficult I was lucky to not really notice anything else at least in the scence of the new antidepressants. My parents were quite pushy about grades with my brothers. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. The scouts and cadets did instill survival instincts into me and in the moments I was free when I was younger you would just see me sprinting bare foot through the forest like some Scrawny tiny white tarzan. To pigeonhole anyone's intellectual ability based entirely upon their GPA often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. They insist that it is safest to conform to the prevailing philosophy and strongly discourage their children's individualism and nonconformity because they think that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they will be considered oddballs or worse, be ostracized and left alone, or the parents themselves will be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. I am expected to just go out in the real world and survive somehow, and nobody cares whether I sink or swim. Teach them to enjoy the process and love the commitment it takes to accomplish their dreams. Never picking the right man? Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. Question: Why do my parents get mad at me for being sad, grumpy, or having a mental breakdown when they are the reason for my mental pain? You don't need such people in your life. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. It is sad to think back at how badly i wanted a hug when crying or a little praise for SOMETHING - REALLY ANYTHING but never got it. No counselor/psychologist. However, it does quite the opposite, and many such children feel worthless. Ooof, I'm 26 and this read like the story of my life. I have thought about suicide many times and all I want is for my mum to stop comparing me to my elder sister and love me for who I am. It's sad that for a while I liked about where I worked and what I made. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. This has ruined a career, now I have to retrain for something else. Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. My Mother is most of these, my mother scares, lowers self esteem, makes me feel under aprisiated, and gets angry at me for little things. Imagine a league of kids with low self confidence. I cried as I was scrolling through this article. Discover short videos related to parent only care about grades on TikTok. I dont get complimented on my looks as much in my family or life as my sister and everyone else in my family does. He exemplifies the immature parent. Failing my first college course was when this hit me the hardest, and when I finally understood what a parent had once said to me, "My kid's mental health is more important than their grades." Throughout my entire life, my parents instilled in me to always have a great and hard work ethic. Parents who value achievement over kindness can have a negative impact on kids' development, study finds. But psych yourself up now for getting off to a strong start in September. I don't think she knows how to help me anymore. Demeaning and comparison by parents is so much that most of the kids starts doing what others are doing rather then choosing their own profession. Never realized they were so dysfunctional till recently. I thought they were going to kill me. Many people are living their parents' lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. The relationship between me and mom also is destroyed and i just want to get away from her asap my mom keeps yelling at me and comparing me to my sibblings i things its super anoying and everytime i dont get something right she eather hits me or yells at me i feel like i have low self estam. Parents can affect their kids' grades and not always for the better. I ask them to hang out with my friends they allow me but then they complain that I'm "always" out with my friends. But why, would I ever intentally harm anyone or anything? They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. I hope there should be some laws to abide to these, it has kill more dreams than death itself, I am a victimand mine I suffered divorce too so it has become more difficult for me even at 26 and I'm still struggling with it, I hope people see the light at the end of the tunnellets help make this world a better place(heal the young, heal the world). I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. Just Cs and Bs so it wasn't suspicious. Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . Answer: Your family situation is toxic. The thing is I don't feel like useless.I wanna fight and continue..maybe one day eveyhing will turn.I will continue AND NEVER SURRENDER!!! every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. Don't stay w/toxic family members who don't respect/love you. Many parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity. I'm still just 14 but all of these things have been done to me and it's obviously messed with me a lot. 9 years they have been grumbling and criticizing my choice of freelance self-employment only because I dashed their dreams of being gainfully employed in the system. I have terrible times at school and I have no friends to be there for me. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. For them, the mantra is that their children are to obey and nothing else. You shouldn't have to endure such abuse from your mother & sister. My mother was did all of this, and molested me. Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard. No child should suffer. Both my parents are like this. I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. Your father wants you to be subordinate to him in order to elevate his low self-esteem. My dad works 4 am - 8pm so he is just too tired to react or support me. I was always pretty tame and sensible-ish, but it is phenomenal that no matter how far away I got myself away from her and tried to succeed on my own, I had a sense of guilt, mixed with impulsivity and hyperactivity and anger and helplesness. She remembers everything I ever did in my life that she didn't like and throws it back at me. It didn't work - I am in my 40s and she still tells me I am too weak and a disappointment - but it was her way of showing us love and, besides it is a fair criticism so I don't take offence. I'm just frustrated. That is how I feel but I am shy to talk about it. It important for me to get a good education so incan go to. They believe that they are making their kids' lives easier and less stressful. Instead they were far too often sordid and filled with a sort of silent emotional fury. Hard to tell what could be helpful so far. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! I am stuck, I am frustrated. My parents do all of this to me very intensely and almost abusively. I dont know if she will ever approve of me, i think shes the only reason iam trying so hard and i dont think i can change in anyway iam 25 and i dont have the energy. Truth be told, I'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented. Avoid them! Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 08, 2018: Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 04, 2018: Get counselling or talk to a trusted relative outside of your immediate family. Every parent aspires to set their child up for success in adulthood, but pressuring . Not to also mention here that the phrase "they know about everything" including about me. Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. Part of the gym is a mental component, I don't think I'd be able to do this any other way. They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. So I was destined to be a servant. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. But even though I feel I am making the money I want to make, they constantly tell me "Truckers don't make good money." I already told God and I know he's already helping me. Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. Today I am 21, turning 22 at the end of the year & I suffer very bad PTSD, trauma, depression, and suicidal tendencies. and im scared to confront. Raising A 'Teenager From Hell'? My mom doesn't value creativity or musical talent, so I'm forever a disappointment. 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Provide me with the best life they can but they hurt my feelings you have parents who achievement! And understanding too always that good '' but dad was proud of..
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